[im 140-55 on nfl season picks this year]
(&*rm) =)
Bedtime joke
Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate.
St. Peter says, ‘Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe.’
So they all agree and are admitted in.
The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth.
Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is.
Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.
So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man.
The first two guys say in unison, ‘How did you end with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?’
He nudges the babe and says, ‘Tell them.’
She says to the first two guys, ‘I lied.’
St. Peter says, ‘Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe.’
So they all agree and are admitted in.
The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth.
Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is.
Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.
So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man.
The first two guys say in unison, ‘How did you end with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?’
He nudges the babe and says, ‘Tell them.’
She says to the first two guys, ‘I lied.’
Joke night
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, It's Lent.
In tears, she sobbed, Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, It's Lent.
In tears, she sobbed, Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?
who's this maybe kroger person
we having no problem with this person we hope its not a former worker or a kroger person as it keep posting more and more we like all the stuffs it keeps posting which will be used in court as we asking ple help me block a faker and trying to hurt us thundercatsnyy company and thundercatsnyyare21 which is are company for 21 and up which does porn. we don't care who this person is http://thundercastnyy.blogspot.com
but they just taking are name which as u can see can be in the court and seeking jail time this the last time i will say it stalker u will stop now thundercastnyy.. we asking the help from are very good friends on the other side of this earth too and are local usa too.thanks all friends and fans for keeping us rocking on this earth thanks internet god =)
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Joke dinner two
They draw eyebrows on, wear fake eyelashes and nails, a ton of makeup, hair dye, get Botox injections and boob jobs or padded bras.
Then they go out and have the nerve to bitch that they can't find a ‘real’ man!!!
Then they go out and have the nerve to bitch that they can't find a ‘real’ man!!!
Joke for night
Dick lines:
No matter where I go, My dick always gets there first.
My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
My dick is so big, its a tight fit when I'm bangin' your loose momma!
My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and My dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.
My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
My dick is so big, it votes.
My dick is a better dresser than I am.
My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen My balls in pictures.
My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
My dick has better credit than I do.
My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
My dick is so big, it has casters.
My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
My dick is so big, it lives next door.
My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.
My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.
My dick was once the ambassador to China.
No matter where I go, My dick always gets there first.
My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
My dick is so big, its a tight fit when I'm bangin' your loose momma!
My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and My dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.
My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
My dick is so big, it votes.
My dick is a better dresser than I am.
My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen My balls in pictures.
My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
My dick has better credit than I do.
My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
My dick is so big, it has casters.
My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
My dick is so big, it lives next door.
My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.
My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.
My dick was once the ambassador to China.
Monday afternoon joke
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused.
A man comes in and asks him, ‘Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?’
Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘So what happened that’s so horrible?’
Farmer: ‘Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘Ok, but that’s not so bad.’
Man: ‘So what happened then?’
Farmer: ‘I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.’
Man: ‘And then?’
Farmer: ‘Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘So, what did you do then?’
Farmer: ‘I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘So, what did you do?’
Farmer: ‘Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can’t explain.’
A man comes in and asks him, ‘Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?’
Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘So what happened that’s so horrible?’
Farmer: ‘Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘Ok, but that’s not so bad.’
Man: ‘So what happened then?’
Farmer: ‘I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.’
Man: ‘And then?’
Farmer: ‘Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘So, what did you do then?’
Farmer: ‘I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘So, what did you do?’
Farmer: ‘Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can’t explain.’
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God Monday
"Do Not Judge Others":
1 'Judge not, that you be not judged.
2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
4 O how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye?
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7 : 1-5 - ESV)
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