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Monday, December 5, 2011

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Joke two afternoon

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. ‘Of course, my son,’ said the priest.
‘Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.’ ‘That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,’ said the priest. ‘It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,’ continued the old man. ‘Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,’ said the priest.
‘Thanks, Father,’ said the old man. ‘That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?’ ‘Of course, my son,’ said the priest. The old man asked, ‘Do I need to tell her that the war is over?’

Joke

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’
The man walks up to him and says, ‘I didn't know you were into earrings.’ ‘Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring,’ he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, ‘So, how long have you been wearing one?’
‘Ever since my wife found it in my truck...’
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xbox update

Xbox 360 Dashboard Update Out Tomorrow, Comcast And HBO Coming In 'Early 2012



Tomorrow, Microsoft will launch the Xbox 360 dashboard update that made its debut at E3 earlier this year. The improved interface brings enhanced Kinect functionality, Bing search features, a Windows 8-styled layout, cloud saves and more to your console. One such "and more" being streaming video content from a variety of providers.

Larry "Major Nelson" Hryb posted an update yesterday revealing the expected schedule for content launch plans. EPIX and ESPN (among others) will be available starting tomorrow, with the recently announced streaming Verizon FiOS cable set to arrive "later in December," along with UFC, TMZ and several pay-per-view services. Those looking forward to streaming HBO or Xfinity (Comcast) content will have to wait until "early 2012."

Check out the full breakdown after the jump.


Dec. 6:

EPIX. United States
ESPN on Xbox LIVE (ESPN). United States
Hulu. Japan
Hulu Plus. United States
LOVEFiLM. United Kingdom
Netflix. Canada, United States
Premium Play by (MediaSet). Italy
Sky Go (SkyDE). Austria, Germany
Telefónica España – Movistar Imagenio. Spain
TODAY (MSNBC). United States
Later in December:

4 on Demand (C4). United Kingdom
ABC iView (Australian Broadcasting Corp.). Australia
AlloCiné. France (AlloCiné), Germany (Filmstarts), Spain (Sensacine), United Kingdom (Screenrush)
Astral Media’s Disney XD (Astral Media). Canada
blinkbox (Blinkbox). United Kingdom
Crackle (Sony Pictures). Australia, Canada, United Kingdom, United States
Dailymotion. Available in 32 countries globally
Demand 5 (Five). United Kingdom
DIGI+ (CANAL+). Spain
GolTV (Mediapro). Spain
iHeartRadio (Clear Channel). United States
Mediathek/ZDF (ZDF). Germany
MSN. Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Mexico, United Kingdom
MSNBC.com. United States
MUZU.TV. Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Netherlands, Norway, Spain, Sweden, United Kingdom
ninemsn. Australia
Real Sports (Maple Leaf Sports). Canada
Rogers On Demand Online (Rogers Media). Canada
SBS ON DEMAND. Australia
TMZ (Warner Bros.). Canada, United States
TVE (RTVE.es). Spain
UFC on Xbox LIVE (UFC). Canada, United States
Verizon FiOS TV. United States
VEVO. Canada, Ireland, United Kingdom, United States
Vudu (Wal-Mart). United States
YouTube. Available in 24 countries globally
Early 2012:

Antena 3 (Antena 3 de Televisión). Spain
BBC (BBC). United Kingdom
CinemaNow (Best Buy). United States
HBO GO (HBO). United States
MLB.TV (MLB Advanced Media). Australia, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Columbia, Czech Republic, France, Germany, India, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Netherlands, New Zealand, Poland, Russia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Taiwan, United Kingdom, United States
Telenovelas/Sports (Televisa). Brazil, Chile, Colombia, France, Italy, Mexico, Spain, United Kingdom
Xfinity On Demand (Comcast). United States
Source: Major Nelson






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Good morning

It's closing time, and two drunks are getting ready to leave the bar. ‘God, I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is take my shoes off and crawl into bed, but Hailey always nags me for what seems like hours’.
‘Sneaking's not the way to do it. Try slamming the front door, stomping upstrais, and yelling 'Hey baby, let's have sex'. When I do that, my wife always pretends she's sound asleep’.
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