Good midnight hope u sleep good followers,buddies,friends,gamers,tech ppl,Yankee's God fans nyy4l,Denver Broncos fans
(&*rm) =)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Joke 10:53pm 12/14/11
The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.
‘As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern.’
‘At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg.’
‘Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.'‘
‘From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?’
The sperm nodded affirmatively.
Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren.
He wakes immediately and runs to the tunnel.
A multitude of sperm swim behind him.
He knows he has to arrive first.
When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm.
He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach the red, sticky ball.
When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, ‘Hi, I'm a sperm!’
The red sticky ball smiles and says, ‘Hi. I'm a tonsil.’
‘As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern.’
‘At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg.’
‘Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.'‘
‘From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?’
The sperm nodded affirmatively.
Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren.
He wakes immediately and runs to the tunnel.
A multitude of sperm swim behind him.
He knows he has to arrive first.
When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm.
He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach the red, sticky ball.
When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, ‘Hi, I'm a sperm!’
The red sticky ball smiles and says, ‘Hi. I'm a tonsil.’
Joke 10;52pm 12/14/11
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major.
She asked ‘Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious man.
Is something bothering you?’
‘Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.’
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ‘It looks like you have seen a lot of action?’
‘Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.’
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, ‘You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.’
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, ‘You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?’
‘1955’, he replied.
‘Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need To chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!’
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and Said, ‘Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.’
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, ‘I hope not; it's only 2130 now.’
There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major.
She asked ‘Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious man.
Is something bothering you?’
‘Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.’
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ‘It looks like you have seen a lot of action?’
‘Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.’
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, ‘You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.’
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, ‘You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?’
‘1955’, he replied.
‘Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need To chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!’
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and Said, ‘Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.’
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, ‘I hope not; it's only 2130 now.’
Xbox
@XboxSupport Thanks god I saved my DVD/VCR bc my new xbox sim with kinect couldnt play my DVD supernatural season two disc one from @netflix
Joke time
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy crap. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy crap. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’
God 12/14/11
☆☆★★God ★★☆☆
"The Beatitudes":
3 'Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 'Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5 'Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
6 'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
7 'Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
8 'Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9 'Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
10 'Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 'Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.
12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5 : 3-10 - ESV)
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