Sunday, January 8, 2012
Grammy nominees. 2005 cd
the songs it was ok cd get 3 out of 5
1. Let's Get It Started - The Black Eyed Peas Listen
2. Here We Go Again - Ray Charles with Norah Jones Listen
3. American Idiot - Green Day Listen
4. Heaven - Los Lonely Boys Listen
5. If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys Listen
6. Burn - Usher Listen
7. Through The Wire - Kanye West Listen
8. She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5 Listen
9. You Had Me - Joss Stone Listen
10. Redneck Woman - Gretchen Wilson Listen
11. The First Cut Is The Deepest - Sheryl Crow Listen
12. Sunrise - Norah Jones Listen
13. You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban Listen
14. Daughters - John Mayer Listen
15. Cinnamon Girl - Prince Listen
16. Love's Divine - Seal Listen
17. My Immortal - Evanescence Listen
18. Good Vibrations - Brian Wilson Listen
19. Monkey To Man - Elvis Costello & The Imposters Listen
20. Vertigo - U2 Listen
21. Ch-Check It Out - Beastie Boys Listen
cancer and the pain if u dont know what its like
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2011
Sandi in the Hospital
As some know, Sandi was admitted to a local hospital yesterday because she was having severe breathing problems. At first there was massive concern that she had at least one blood clot, if not more, in her right lung as there were no breath sounds there.
According to x-rays and the CT Scan the real problem was that her right lung was completely full of fluid. If that was not enough, urine analysis indicates her kidneys seem to be having serious issues. So, they hospitalized her, drained two liters of fluid out of the right lung and gave her some heavy duty meds to work on the kidneys. They could have easily taken at least one more liter out of her right lung but if they take too much too soon the lung would collapse. So, they took what they could safely get late yesterday afternoon and will reevaluate what to do later today.
I was finally able to talk to her a few minutes ago and the news is a little better this morning. She has had breakfast, a shower, and been down to x-ray where they took another set of pictures of her chest. She is off the oxygen this morning. She says she feels a little better and can breathe a bit better with not as much pain as she had yesterday after they did the draining deal. She says that the x-ray tech would not tell her anything this morning (unlike the one yesterday) but she thinks that the fluid is probably at the same level it was after they drained things by the way she feels.
She expects to be coming home today. The doctor has not made his rounds yet so when or if that will happen is still unknown.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2011
Sandi Saturday Night
Back home from the hospital where Sandi will be spending another night after her right lung collapsed this afternoon. They drained two more liters of fluid out of her lung earlier today. That means they took over four liters of fluid out of the lung in two procedures. Then, the worst case scenario hit and her lung collapsed.
That was not supposed to happen. But it did. So, they cut into her chest near her collarbone and inserted a chest tube that serves two functions. It is supposed to help the lung inflate and also drains more fluid out of the lung. After about three hours it had drained about half a liter out and seemed to be slowing down in the amount of fluid running out.
So, she is hurting but breathing a little easier tonight…..
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2011
Sandi Sunday Afternoon
The doctor has been in and the news on the latest test results is not good. She will be in for awhile longer---how long we now have no idea. More tests will be run starting tomorrow as they seek the cause for the fluid in her lung that continues to be generated in large amounts. While they look at that issue, they are also going to investigate a new potential problem that has turned up.
Sandi has asked me to thank one and all for their prayers and best wishes. I thank you as well.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2011
Sandi Sunday Evening
is not good at all. She is back on oxygen, the chest drainage suction machine has been restarted and she now has two different IVs running into her. So, none of this what was supposed to happen or expected.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring better news.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2011
Sandi Monday Evening
It was a very long at the hopsital today so I am very late with getting this up. Very long story short----she is still in and unchanged. She isn't any worse---but she isn't any better. They still don't know why the lung continues to fill with fluid and where the fluid is coming from.
Congestive heart disease, some sort of infection, and cancer all seem to have been ruled out at this point. But, what is happening and why has not been figured out at this point.
Like everything else with us---there are no easy answers.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2011
Sandi---Tuesday Afternoon
This has been a brutally bad day. Pretty much you can forget what was ruled out yesterday.
I hesitate to say more but we both are devastated by what we were told today. Several invasive tests will be run tomorrow to get actual tissue samples to hopefully identify the type of evil disease that is being suspected by several doctors. If it is what they believe it is and as far along as it most likely is, I have no idea what we will do.
Please keep her and us in your thoughts and prayers.....
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2011
Sandi Wednesday Evening
Just got back home from the hospital.....Sandi has had a brutal day. They had to one of the procedures twice (a second time this afternoon) because she has had serious complications today. That resulted in an extra three hour ordeal for her. She is hurting, exhausted and the palest I have ever seen her. She is conscious, barely able to talk, and the lung is continuing to drain at a horrendous flow rate.
No test results will be available before Monday at the earliest because of the holiday.
Because of the serious complications, two other testing procedures were canceled and will be rescheduled no earlier than Saturday. This is because of the holiday as well as what happened with her today.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2011
Sandi Friday Evening
It was about this time last Friday after a very long day spent in ER that they drained two liters out of Sandi’s lung and then admitted her to the hospital. For the first time since all this began she finally had a normal sounding cough today. They are thrilled she is coughing as this is a sign that her right lung is once again functioning correctly despite the fact it filled a bit with fluid overnight. When she coughs today it sounds like a normal cough instead of what she had done this past week which was a weak little gasp thing. She is in some pain in her ribs and is using oxygen part of the time.
In the morning the current plan is for her to have the daily chest x-ray and then have the lung drained. They then will prep her and do one of the multi hour tests they would have done Wednesday if she had not been so dehydrated.
Hopefully the test will really happen this time as we need all the answers we can get as fast as possible.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2011
Sandi Saturday Night
This was day nine of Sandi’s current hospital stay and probably her best day yet. Overnight, based on the x-ray, the lung did not fill with any more fluid. So, based on that and the fact that she can now cough like somebody should be able to, they made the decision to leave well enough alone and not drain it.
They got one of the tests done that had been planned for last Wednesday that wasn’t done. So she was very relieved to have that done and over with at last.
As we again face the strong possibility of being homeless we shall see what tomorrow brings……..
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2011
Sandi Sunday Morning
She is the same this morning as she was last night. They have taken yet another x-ray to check the status of her lung. She now is waiting for the doctors to make their rounds and check on her. She also wants to get out and come home, not just because of the fact that she is sick of the place, it is time to start planning for what to do when we don't make the rent in a few days.
I have been firmly informed that I am to stay home today until she knows something one way or another. She heard about my wind assisted fall into a pillar and resulting wipe out in the parking garage yesterday and is very upset I again got banged up coming to see her. She wants me there but at the same time she doesn't want me falling there. Or anywhere for that matter.
So, the waiting continues.......
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2011
Sandi Sunday Evening
Back home from the hospital where Sandi is amazingly positive despite everything here at home with our lack of rent money and other issues and her own situation.
Her BP is fine, her oxygen rate is fine and everything seems fine on the surface when you look at her or talk to her. She is making "wristers" like crazy and the nurses are quite taken with them. Looking at her and listening to her, everything seems fine as she stays positive and waits.
It also seems that her lung never fully re-inflated even though that was what we had been told on multiple occasions. Today she was told that it only "partially inflated" after the collapse last weekend. I had a nurse go back and check the records and apparently that was the notation everyday in the record since Monday. I'm not sure how either one of us so misunderstood that situation. I really don't think both Sandi and I misunderstood on multiple days how inflated her lung was.
The bone scan she underwent yesterday indicates a major problem that seems to confirm the diagnosis they came up with last Tuesday. We have to wait for one of the specialists to review that sometime tomorrow and then come talk to her about it. The final confirmation will be the tissues samples as they should be back tomorrow.
If it is what they think it is, it is a devastating situation both in terms of what it is and how far advanced it is. Hopefully they are very wrong on both counts. I know and understand what happens when she has a heart attack or a stroke. Been down that road before and dealt with both on more than one occasion. This thing is an insidious evil that may have been lurking and growing in her, hidden from view for years, until it now when it has spread widely and made its presence known. In all likelihood, if they are right, not a damn thing can be done at this point.
We are going to be homeless at the end of the week as we don't have anywhere near enough to pay the rent, barring a miracle, so I don't know what the hell we are going to do on any of this. Our lives were NOT supposed to go this way.
All I do know is that I can't fix any of it and I am mad as hell.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2011
Sandi Monday Evening
Today has been the worst day of our lives....we got the worst possible news today on Sandi. More tests are planned the next few days to confirm the details.
Thank you to those who have contributed to the fund so that we will have a roof over our heads for another month. We really do appreciate it and are very grateful for the help.
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2011
Sandi Wednesday Night
Two more days of tests and surgery to get tissue samples have put her through quite a lot. She is doing as well as can be expected and appreciates very much the prayers and support from one and all.
I am exhausted. I will write more when I can string more than a couple of words together.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 01, 2011
Sandi Home
tonight so that she can do a test as an out patient tomorrow. She has to have a PET scan and insurance wouldn't pay for it unless she was an out patient. Depending on how she is overnight will decide if she can stay home or have to go back in the hospital after the test.
After draining even more fluid out of her today they think she can safely be home at this point, at least for a few days, while the rest of the tests come back.
I hope they are right.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 03, 2011
Sandi and the Future
First, on behalf of all of us, thank you for your prayers and support in recent days. It means a lot to us--more than you will ever know. Thank you does not begin to cover it.
Second, big time thanks to Barry Ergang for his latest review, Cassidy’s Girl by David Goodis that he posted yesterday as part of Friday’s Forgotten Books hosted by Patti Abbott. When I first started this blog years ago, it was strictly about books, my own writing projects, and writing information. Something happened over the years and gradually as life happened, more of that crept into the blog. Once I became ill with whatever this is that I have that took my ability to do nearly anything including working, our lives became a bigger focus of the blog. Whether it was updates on the CITIBANK/ALLEN ADKINS & ASSOCIATES lawsuit (now set for trial January 30, 2012 up in Frisco despite the settlement I thought we had), my ongoing disability case with Social Security, Karl’s continuing suspension without pay from Kroger #581 in Plano despite being cleared by every governmental investigation, or whatever-- the good the bad and the ugly--is all now on my blog. As are the reviews and other writing news and notes with reviews still being the main focus of the blog. Just right now books and reading isn’t my main focus.
As to everything else…..a battered and sore Sandi was released late Thursday afternoon from the hospital after two very long weeks in there. This was after they confirmed Thursday that two more samples had come back, one from the breast and one from somewhere in her stomach, showing the same evil thing as the liver and right lung samples had showed. Sandi has Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and most likely it is pretty far advanced since more and more organs are involved. Which specific cancer under the umbrella known as Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma it is we do not know just yet. The bone marrow sample and a couple of other samples have not come back yet to allow the doctors to name the enemy in full. They have narrowed it down to three possibilities, all with very long and weird sounding names so I won’t even try to mention them here. We know enough to know it is very bad.
As instructed, we were back at the hospital yesterday morning before dawn for her multi hour PET scan. Because of less than helpful insurance red tape, they could not do the scan while Sandi was hospitalized as insurance absolutely refused to pay for it. It absolutely had to be done on an outpatient basis and whether or not that was the best thing for the patient be damned. So, she was back at the hospital yesterday morning and they did it.
We had been home only a little while when the phone started blowing up. As I write this early this Saturday morning, we still do not know in any detail what the PET scan showed, but clearly it showed bad things. The first clue was when her lung doctor called and explained that according to her scan, Sandi’s right lung had at least partially collapsed for the third time since this nightmare began. They needed her back at the hospital for another chest x-ray so they could evaluate how much the lung had collapsed.
As we were getting dressed for that, the folks that are doing the cancer treatment called multiple times. Now, instead of her starting chemo on Tuesday, they wanted Sandi in bright and early on Monday for the day as things needed to get underway as fast as possible. While each time she called the lady was very calm in asking me the questions, there was no mistaking the urgency in her voice as she asked questions, talked briefly about issues on the scan, and explained how chemo will work. Sandi is facing six sessions of chemo, one every three weeks, lots of drugs to take at home, and lots of potential complications from the chemo therapy. After each session she will have to come back the next day for the second art of the treatment though those days should not be nearly as long as the first day of chemo each time.
Fittingly enough the weather forecast for here has now changed to talk of winter weather precipitation, mainly freezing rain and sleet, across the DFW area on Monday and Monday night. Depending on which talking head you watch, it might really stick or might be far enough to the north that all we get here would be rain. With one car --mine---completely dead in the parking lot and hers barely running at best, the last thing we need is to have to deal with is a winter weather deal too. Hopefully nothing more than rain it will be and we will have nothing to worry about.
We spent several hours at the hospital yesterday dealing with the x-ray and then insurance/billing issues at one of the doctor’s offices. Because we never got a bill on something from April 2010 and could not pay $350 bucks right then and there yesterday, they won’t make a follow-up appointment for her on the lung. We have paperwork to fill out to see if they will modify the debt in some way. They claim to have billed twice--we never got one. They didn’t turn it over to a collection agency as the amount was too small to make it worth it. Yet now, they won’t make a follow-up appointment because any amount owed would be too much.
So, a fun day was not had by one and all. Despite her amazing high tolerance, Sandi remains in constant pain from not only the stitches caused by pulling a 4 centimeter mass out of her left breast that was so deep she never felt it on self-examination, the medi port they installed along her right collarbone hurts like the dickens. That was installed for the chemo and supposedly the body adjusts to it over time and it does not hurt as much later. Something Sandi is seriously questioning as she wonders how that can be when it hurts this bad and they have not even used it yet?
So the last couple of days have been a real wipeout. I tried to keep up with e-mail the best I could while she was in the hospital and did a halfway decent job of that until the last couple of days. I have several hundred e-mails to read, numerous digests from the folks on the DL list among others, and numerous thank you cards and notes to write. If you are waiting to hear from me on something, please be patient as I am doing the best I can. I am overwhelmed right now--not just with Sandi and her needs but my own health issues and am way, way behind.
And again, thank you one and all for your support. I am a writer and I am supposed to be able to use words to express myself. In this case, words don’t begin to express or explain how much it means to me, Sandi, or the boys. Yet, that is all I have got. I can’t tell you how much it means---it simply means everything.
Thank you……
MONDAY, DECEMBER 05, 2011
Sandi's Chemo---Brutal Day One
Got home a little while ago as this was a very long and very hard day. Sandi has two different cancers and they are widespread in her lymphatic system, most major organs, and even the lining of her bones. Whether or not they are in the bone marrow itself is not fully known yet.
The belief is, despite how very advanced things are, they can push it it back in remission. Assuming she can tolerate the cancer drugs they need to use. She had a very hard time today tolerating the drugs and there were serious problems. So, they were only able to do about half of what they wanted to do on the first day. We have to go back first thing tomorrow for at least four more hours to get the remainder of the first cycle into her.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 08, 2011
Sandi and her Chemo
Monday was a brutal day in so many ways. We had worried all weekend and were pretty nervous by the time we got to the hospital shortly after dawn. At least it was not snowing or icing here as had been predicted in the prior days. Things started late as they had new information on her cancer situation and the news was not good. Then, she had to wait for her lab results as they had to get her blood processed so they knew where she was at this point. After what seemed like forever they had her sleeping from the initial drugs that would set up her system to accept the cancer killing drugs. That started and everything seemed okay.
About an hour into the cancer killing drug stuff dripping into her she had her first of two different severe reactions to the drugs. Treatment had to be stopped for over an hour each time as they added other medications to stop the increasingly severe reactions. We had been warned chills, blood pressure problems, choking sensations, breathing problems and numerous other issues could happen. It is another thing when it does happen and your wife goes pale and starts crying because she is scared and in pain.
Monday night was a long one as we got home long after the dinner hour and then only slept for about three hours as we were awake from 2:30 on. Neither one of us could sleep. We discovered that middle of the night TV is also mainly repeated news programs and infomercials. That and numerous food commercials. Not the best things to watch when one is trying to relax and go back to sleep.
Shortly after another cold dawn we were back at the hospital Tuesday morning to do the rest of the first round of chemo. That went better as this time she was able to stay awake for it and didn’t have any reaction at all. Apparently this happens sometimes as once they get you past the first half of the first round the second part isn’t nearly as bad. She was sitting up and smiling while the stuff dripped into her. As she sat there she worked on a new hooded scarf that she was making to sell. Patients and their spouses saw what she was working on and asked questions so she talked about her crafts and stuff for sale over at iOffer. Crafts for her serve the same job as books and writing for me do and it was pretty cool to sit there and listen to her talking to folks about what she does. Especially after what had happened Monday and the fact that back in August we were warned that the strokes might have prevented her ever doing that stuff again. The time passed quickly and we were sent home with the anti- nausea drugs and an expectation it could be another long night from that.
When we got home Tuesday we were both so worn out we went to bed. Surfaced briefly for dinner, which certainly was not my best effort ever, and back in bed. Thankfully she passed through the window of time when she had the potential to get violently sick with no issues.
Yesterday we were back at chemo for the injection that follows the multi-hour infusion process. The injection, as we understand it, is to boost her white blood cell count as best they can because the drugs damage and destroy the white blood cells and other immune support things in the body. She was fine yesterday with that and came home where she continued to crochet and watch TV. According to one of the nurses, it is not rare for a patient to have real issues with the first part of treatment in round one and then to be totally fine with the rest of it. Considering how widespread and advanced her two different forms on Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphomas are, it was apparently inevitable that day one will be bad. Personally, I am just glad round one of chemo is over.
At this point, assuming nothing happens to worsen her ongoing breathing issues or anything else, she is supposed to go back to the doctor next Friday for blood work and a checkup to see how she is after this first round. Round two is scheduled for right after Christmas as this will be an every three week process. So, at least she will have two treatments in before January 1, 2012 when we have to meet her new deductible of several thousand dollars. That is going to be ugly and I have no idea what we will do then.
In the meantime, after I got her back home and settled, I went to the store and bought a few things to get us to next week when our food stamps come back in. My plan had been to sit here today and catch up a little bit on things here as well as take things easy. The District Manager for KROGER changed that plan as she has summoned Karl for a meeting regarding his ongoing situation with store #581. As I wrote here awhile back, Karl was wrongfully suspended without pay on October 18, 2011 for a false allegation of “sexual harassment” by a fellow employee who is out of uniform every day and frequently works off the clock among other violations of her own. He has been cleared by not only internal Kroger investigators, local police, the TEXAS WORKFORCE COMMISSION and SOCIAL SECURITY disability investigators and yet he still is not back to work. Weeks later, after doing absolutely nothing to remove the employees involved in the case for lying and other issues, the District Manger has summoned him for a 9am meeting this morning. So much for my plan to take it easy and keep an eye on Sandi. Whether this meeting will really resolve this situation remains to be seen.
So, while he is meeting with her and a couple of other people, I will be working on a long delayed review for TANGENT ONLINE. If you have never read the adventure fantasy magazine BLACK GATE you really should. The magazine is huge and features some incredibly good stories. I had started writing the review the morning that I ended up taking Sandi to ER back on the 18th of November and with everything happening here didn’t make much progress on it. So, I will take things with me and work on it while waiting for Karl to be finished with his meeting. That and calling home frequently to check on the patient who I really don’t want to leave home alone right now.
Hopefully, for her sake, as well as my own health issues with my swollen left leg and pain that is about to make me seriously nuts, the meeting won’t last that long and I can get home and lay down. Sitting is very painful for me and does things like make my leg swell, lose feeling when it does not feel like it is on fire, and other things one does not want. I have been doing way too much of that lately because of everything here. People keep telling me I need to take care of myself but right now that seems impossible. I’m needed in too many places.
Again, on behalf of all of us, thank you one and all for your prayers and thoughts of support both online here and elsewhere, private e-mail, and by regular mail. I am way behind in my replies and thank yous, but please know it is simply because of events here and not because I don’t appreciate what you have done. We appreciate it so much and far beyond what I can express here.
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2011
One Week In Chemo
and Sandi is doing as well as can be expected at this point. She is feeling it but so far is handling it fairly well. Lots of naps seems to help a little bit.
She asked me to again thank one and all for their prayers, best wishes and thoughts, and wants you to know how much she appreciates it.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2011
A Sandi Update
You can pretty much tell how things are around here by how much I am online and how quick I respond to e-mails. Or not.....especially the last three days. They warned us when this started that chemo would give Sandi flu like symptoms as well as a heaviness in her chest with chest pain among other things.Not something you want to hear when you have the kind of cardiac history she does.
The flu like stuff and chest pain deal started with a vengeance late Monday evening and has not let up yet. It seems to hit in waves that last several hours before it backs off a little bit for a short while and then hits her hard again. A heating pad on the back helps a little bit but not much. Whether it is all the chemo or something else bad is happening again we just don't know. Hopefully, as bad as it is, it is only the chemo doing its thing and not signs of something else.
She has an appointment in the morning for lab work and then a Dr. visit at the Hospital. Hopefully something can be prescribed so she feels a little better.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2011
A Sandi Update
Last Friday we went to see Sandi’s cancer doctor for her checkup visit after round one of the chemo and to have blood work done so they could see where she was on that. The blood work came back really good as all the things they look at remained where they were before this started. Quite honestly, I don’t understand what all the numbers mean beyond the bottom line that her kidneys are functioning like they should be and her immune system has not cratered yet.
She put on a happy face for the doctor and didn’t really tell him in detail how bad off she had been all week. I certainly did tell him because somebody had to do it. Nothing she is going through with the pain, the flu like symptoms, chills, fatigue and exhaustion, etc. surprised him as this is just what it is going to be like for the next several months. Pretty sobering when they say that all that is only going to get worse as the chemo continues. I am supposed to imagine things for a living as a writer and the idea she will be worse than I already have seen is pretty damn scary. He was surprised that she not only still had her hair but that she had been able to make much of anything with her craft stuff as that usually does not happen. Especially considering how sick she was in the hospital.
LATE TUESDAY UPDATE-----Huge clumps of hair started coming out of her head late last night. She knew it was going to happen but it still hit her pretty hard.
After having yet another x-ray of her chest because he can still hear no breath sounds in the right lung, we scheduled her next round of chemo for next week. Unfortunately, he will be gone and one of the other doctors in the practice will monitor her next week. I’m sure the doctor working is fine, but we have a real connection building with her doctor and I hate to see him gone for the week.
So, with that in front of us and things like the rent as we are a very long way away from having that as you can see from the donation widget, the worsening car issues, and all the rest, Sandi has been working on her iOffer site while she still can still sit up to do what she could when she could the last couple of days. Sandi added some new items and also drastically lowered prices on everything in a desperate attempt to generate some cash flow. The link to her store is http://www.ioffer.com/users/sanditipple and she has holiday as well as everyday items like quilts, baby blankets, stuffed animals, etc. She is still taking special orders but with the understanding they may take longer to fill than normal.
Sandi asked me to pass along again her thanks for all the prayers and notes of support. She, as am I, are very grateful.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2011
A Sandi Update---Chemo Round Two
Today is a planned round two of chemo for Sandi. Assuming the car starts and we can get there, they will first pull her blood and run that to see what her numbers are today. While the blood techs run that, a saline drip will be started so that she is ready if it is going to happen.
About an hour after they pull her blood, we should know if they can start the anti nausea meds and the first part of the chemo. Then the wait will begin to see if she can tolerate the chemo better this time than the last. Supposedly most patients do better with the second and following chemo infusions if they had a bad time with the first. Sandi has a very bad time with the first round so we shall see.
Hopefully the fact that she felt really bad yesterday won't have any effect on things today. Even if it goes well it will be a very long day. I will update tonight.....
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