W h e r e ' s u r l o v e h t t p : / / k e v i n t i p p l e s c o r n e r . b l o g s p o t . c o m /
( & * r m )&a G B 2
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Ok
A survey asked women: ‘What would you do if you woke up and had a penis?’
‘I would walk around and prod my husband all night long with it, whatever he is doing I'll be there prodding him with it.’
‘I would go into my boss' office and lay it on his desk and say: 'Where is my raise?'‘
‘I would find my ex-boyfriend, go to bed with him and tell him to roll over and try something new.’
‘I would want a big one and show it off to everyone.’
‘I could grab myself in public and not be embarrassed.’
‘I would not lift the lid on the toilet seat while peeing.’
‘I would measure it both ways.’
‘Pee off of a tall building.’
‘I would love him, and squeeze him, and play with it all day.’
‘Demonstrate to my husband and my two sons that it is possible to hit the water and not pee all over everything.’
‘Pin my husband down and slap him in the face with it.’
‘See how many donuts I could carry with it.’
‘Check out my boyfriends gag reflexes!’
‘I would walk around and prod my husband all night long with it, whatever he is doing I'll be there prodding him with it.’
‘I would go into my boss' office and lay it on his desk and say: 'Where is my raise?'‘
‘I would find my ex-boyfriend, go to bed with him and tell him to roll over and try something new.’
‘I would want a big one and show it off to everyone.’
‘I could grab myself in public and not be embarrassed.’
‘I would not lift the lid on the toilet seat while peeing.’
‘I would measure it both ways.’
‘Pee off of a tall building.’
‘I would love him, and squeeze him, and play with it all day.’
‘Demonstrate to my husband and my two sons that it is possible to hit the water and not pee all over everything.’
‘Pin my husband down and slap him in the face with it.’
‘See how many donuts I could carry with it.’
‘Check out my boyfriends gag reflexes!’
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’
The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.’
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.
The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’
The old man says, ‘We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!’
The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’
The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.’
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.
The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’
The old man says, ‘We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!’
Joke
In this age of safe sex the need for condoms are a must but some people still have a difficult time buying them.
Take my friend, Earl.
Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to ask the salesperson to get them.
So Earl went up to the salesperson, but he was so nervous he could only ask where the straws were.
So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy his condoms.
Again Earl came into the store and was still so nervous he could only ask where the tweezers were, so he bought a pair of tweezers and left.
Earl once again had to go back and buy his condoms.
He went up to the salesperson and said, in a low tone, ‘I need some condoms.’
The salesperson rang up the sale and said, ‘First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy condoms.’
‘What I want to know is..... are you going to suck it, pluck it, or fuck it?’
Take my friend, Earl.
Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to ask the salesperson to get them.
So Earl went up to the salesperson, but he was so nervous he could only ask where the straws were.
So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy his condoms.
Again Earl came into the store and was still so nervous he could only ask where the tweezers were, so he bought a pair of tweezers and left.
Earl once again had to go back and buy his condoms.
He went up to the salesperson and said, in a low tone, ‘I need some condoms.’
The salesperson rang up the sale and said, ‘First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy condoms.’
‘What I want to know is..... are you going to suck it, pluck it, or fuck it?’
Вαвуαρρℓєѕ
ι киσω υ ѕαу fяιєи∂ѕ
Hey baby girl, I just want you to know that I'm really sorry about months ago.It was my fault for messing it up. You have every right to be upset with me. You have been an amazing gf to me,& always will be. I couldn't ask for any better. ur everything I want from head to toe, an inside and outur love & smile & just sexy & ur hair & ur face & ur great kissing & when u want sex it great but that not what I like the most ur pig noise I love and its cute. It's not about your looks it's how you treat me. You treat me like I'm the only man on this earth. I am so grateful for that. The way you care, feel, and love me gives me a feeling inside that I've never felt! Thank you baby for everything you do andbeing the gf that you are for me. I miss you & can't stop thinking about u. And I love you! Can't wait to talk to you and see you. I love you ♡♡♥♡♥♡♥♡ babyapplesツ♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡Babyapples ツツツツ♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥ ♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡ツツツツツツツツツツツツ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★♩♪♩♪♬♬♬♬ ♡♥♡♥♡♥♡
(\__/) ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
(='.'=) ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
(")_(")(#^_^#)♡♥♡♥♡♥♡ — with Ple Smile
harvest moon magical melody
its a gamecube game and yes can play on wii this game has controlled problem for that it makes it hard plus doing farm will take a very long time gets ★★☆☆☆ wroth not buy or u will be playing about a Yeager before ur farm is some what good
kevin tipple blogger post about kroger
ANOTHER LOST MONTH--KARL AND KROGER #581
It has been another thirty days since I last wrote about this mess and nothing has changed. Two months ago, Karl was suspended without pay and told he would be terminated in a couple of days because of a claim of “sexual harassment.” What was the crime? Documenting by long distance photograph across the store an employee who was once again working off the clock and out of uniform. That was it!
Obviously, that action WAS NOT sexual harassment, it was NOT even harassment. Not only was he cleared the next day of that allegation by the Union it was also blatantly obvious to all that it was nothing. The Union informed store management that the charge was false, that the employee had made a false allegation, and that Karl should be returned to work immediately. Yet, while those involved who lied and deliberately trashed his reputation with false allegations and malicious smears are somehow still working and getting paid, Karl is still home on unpaid leave and has no idea when he will finally be allowed to return to work.
Because of their lies which have been repeatedly proven demonstrably false, we can’t even go in at Kroger #581 to go shopping. Instead, we have to go an additional distance from our home to another Kroger store to go shopping. A huge and unnecessary hassle and yet until the case is finally resolved one way or another something I have to do since I am the only one able to drive in the family.
After nearly two months of doing nothing, last Thursday Karl was ordered to report to the District Manager’s store the next day for a meeting to resolve the situation. Karl was told that if he didn’t show for the hastily scheduled meeting at time and place of the District Manager’s choosing, it would be grounds to terminate him. Considering what we have going on here with Sandi’s cancer and her treatment deal, I thought the attitude expressed was very callous but very symptomatic of what had been going on the nearly eight weeks this has dragged on.
Like Karl, I expected the meeting to be a total waste of time because for some reason that no doubt will be very clear to one and all later, those involved still have not been disciplined for their actions. All along the focus has seemed to be on making Karl, a very good employee with numerous commendations and no history of problems, go away--- one way or another. Repeatedly documenting and exposing wrong doing by others, being a whistleblower, can get you in trouble and it certainly has for Karl. Unfortunately, as I expected, the meeting was a complete epic failure and total waste of time. Not only do they still not have a single shred of evidence against him for anything at any time, they have no case, and they know it.
I spent a good part of the weekend when I was not dealing with insurance screw-ups, on his behalf updating the situation for the Texas Workforce Administration, his case manager at Social Security because he is disabled, EEOC, and other governmental agencies awaiting the final results of this situation. All have cleared him of any wrongdoing but needed updated statements on the case due to the meeting. Like us, they are all awaiting a final determination by Kroger before pursing civil and criminal cases against those involved as Karl has been completely cleared by them.
Because Karl has not gotten a paycheck for nearly two months and as a result has had no income, his small business at http://www.amazon.com/shops/thundercatsnyy is nearly destroyed. Kind of hard to do things like buy and sell video games and such, advertise, invest in inventory, etc., when you don’t have any money from your employer and your bank account has been hammered by fees and over draft notices as a result. So, not only have those involved have virtually destroyed his career with Kroger, destroyed our ability to shop in the store closest to our home (something critically important right now as Sandi is very sick) they have also managed to destroy his private business that had nothing at all to do with Kroger.
I had thought that by now calmer heads on behalf of Kroger would have taken over the case. To this point it simply has not happened. Hopefully that will happen when the case finally moves on in the next stage of the grievance process to the corporate headquarters in Cincinnati. That means everyone involved here at the local level will be under intense scrutiny as their actions that created the problems are reviewed. While Karl can stand up to such scrutiny and can share additional evidence of various types and forms when asked, I don’t think those who caused the mess and have continued it on can say the same. As the meeting last Friday again showed, there is not a single shred of evidence against him for anything at any time, they have no case, and they know it.
The only positive aspect of this is that he has been home to help me with Sandi. Not only help me with her and things around here, but he has also been able to spend time with his Mom. It is just incredibly sad and extremely outrageous that those involved have caused it at such a huge cost for Karl and for all of us.
Kevin
xmas want a book
Looking to Review? Want to win a Kindle?
Karen Syed of Echelon Press has a deal for you. Time is short but you might win a Kindle on Christmas Day. Surf over to http://karensyed.wordpress.com/ and read the details/rules.
Kevin
my mom cancer update on kevin tipple blogger
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2011
A Sandi Update
You can pretty much tell how things are around here by how much I am online and how quick I respond to e-mails. Or not.....especially the last three days. They warned us when this started that chemo would give Sandi flu like symptoms as well as a heaviness in her chest with chest pain among other things.Not something you want to hear when you have the kind of cardiac history she does.
The flu like stuff and chest pain deal started with a vengeance late Monday evening and has not let up yet. It seems to hit in waves that last several hours before it backs off a little bit for a short while and then hits her hard again. A heating pad on the back helps a little bit but not much. Whether it is all the chemo or something else bad is happening again we just don't know. Hopefully, as bad as it is, it is only the chemo doing its thing and not signs of something else.
She has an appointment in the morning for lab work and then a Dr. visit at the Hospital. Hopefully something can be prescribed so she feels a little better.
A Sandi Update
You can pretty much tell how things are around here by how much I am online and how quick I respond to e-mails. Or not.....especially the last three days. They warned us when this started that chemo would give Sandi flu like symptoms as well as a heaviness in her chest with chest pain among other things.Not something you want to hear when you have the kind of cardiac history she does.
The flu like stuff and chest pain deal started with a vengeance late Monday evening and has not let up yet. It seems to hit in waves that last several hours before it backs off a little bit for a short while and then hits her hard again. A heating pad on the back helps a little bit but not much. Whether it is all the chemo or something else bad is happening again we just don't know. Hopefully, as bad as it is, it is only the chemo doing its thing and not signs of something else.
She has an appointment in the morning for lab work and then a Dr. visit at the Hospital. Hopefully something can be prescribed so she feels a little better.
review of my dad
THE FLOATING LADY MURDER (2000) by Daniel Stashower
Reviewed by Barry Ergang
An episode from the second season of Monk titled "Mr. Monk Goes to Mexico" contains a tantalizing premise for fans of impossible crime stories: a young skydiver plunges to his death, which is witnessed by his friends on the ground. An autopsy subsequently reveals that the fall didn't kill him; he drowned, apparently in mid-air.
The episode's moments that dealt with Adrian Monk's obsessive-compulsive behavior were often hilarious, but as a mystery it was huge let-down for a couple of reasons. It didn't play fair with the viewer, and the solution was basically a "cheat" because it concerned events only Monk knew about.
The Floating Lady Murder, the second in Daniel Stashower's series featuring Harry Houdini and his brother Dash Hardeen as detectives, employs a similar premise. It doesn't play entirely fair with the reader, but the solution doesn't cheat so it's not likely to disappoint him either.
In 1898, Harry Houdini—except in his own mind—has not yet achieved the fame that would later make him known throughout America and abroad. His brother Dash, the story's narrator, though a somewhat accomplished performer himself, serves primarily as Harry's booking agent. Lately he's been unable to secure jobs for Harry and Harry's wife Bess, Houdini's on-stage assistant. Thus, when he reads that Harry Kellar, "the dean of American magicians," is hiring additional crew members for his troupe, Dash suggests that he, Harry and Bess apply. In his vanity, Harry balks at the notion until Dash and Bess persuade him of the wisdom of it.
They are hired, and soon learn that Kellar is determined to debut his Floating Lady levitation when the touring company returns to New York City from Albany. The illusion was conceived years earlier by Kellar's mentor, The Wizard of Kalliffa (a.k.a. Duncan MacGregor). Levitation was common among magicians, but this one was to be spectacular in that the person levitated would float out over the stage and high above the audience. MacGregor's wife, assisting her husband by taking the role of the Floating Lady, fell to her death from a great height when the illusion failed. In tribute to the MacGregors, Kellar wants to perform the illusion on the twenty-fifth anniversary of Mrs. MacGregor's passing. He has only a matter of days to refine it. Working with the Great Man and his stage crew, Harry and Dash devise an effective means of doing so, receiving Kellar's ecstatic gratitude.
The performance has every member of the troupe holding his breath as the beautiful Francesca Moore seemingly levitates high up into the theater's dome, "borne aloft by the hypnotic force of animal magnetism." The audience is enchanted. But then something goes horribly wrong, and Francesca Moore plummets seventy-two feet to her death.
It seems a terrible accident until, during an autopsy, it's learned that Miss Moore's death resulted from drowning, apparently—and impossibly—in mid-air. When one of the stagehands, Jim Collins, is arrested for murder, Harry and Dash are determined to prove his innocence and uncover the real murderer. This they do when Kellar and a rival magician, Servais Le Roy, team up to perform the illusion once again, putting Bess and Harry's lives in peril.
Stashower does an excellent job of bringing the era to life while serving up a well-paced story that's loaded with action, suspense, a great puzzle, and a lot of humor. Dash Hardeen is not a vacuous Watson who marvels at his brother's brilliance. He, in fact, is the brainier of the two. Harry provides the brawn, as well as unchecked egotism that spawns some wonderful comic moments.
Recommended without reservations.
Barry Ergang (c) 2011
**************
Barry Ergang's own impossible crime novelette, "The Play of Light and Shadow," is available for e-readers at Amazon and Smashwords, along with some of his other work, for a mere ninety-nine cents. Formerly the Managing Editor of Futures Mystery Anthology Magazine and First Senior Editor of Mysterical-E, winner of the Short Mystery Fiction Society’s Derringer Award for the best flash fiction story of 2006, his written work has appeared in numerous publications, print and electronic. For links to material available online, and fiction available for e-readers, see Barry’s webpages.
Remember, too, that he has books from his personal collection for sale at http://barryergangbooksforsale.yolasite.com/ He'll contribute 20% of the purchase price of the books to our fund, so please have a look at his lists.
Reviewed by Barry Ergang
An episode from the second season of Monk titled "Mr. Monk Goes to Mexico" contains a tantalizing premise for fans of impossible crime stories: a young skydiver plunges to his death, which is witnessed by his friends on the ground. An autopsy subsequently reveals that the fall didn't kill him; he drowned, apparently in mid-air.
The episode's moments that dealt with Adrian Monk's obsessive-compulsive behavior were often hilarious, but as a mystery it was huge let-down for a couple of reasons. It didn't play fair with the viewer, and the solution was basically a "cheat" because it concerned events only Monk knew about.
The Floating Lady Murder, the second in Daniel Stashower's series featuring Harry Houdini and his brother Dash Hardeen as detectives, employs a similar premise. It doesn't play entirely fair with the reader, but the solution doesn't cheat so it's not likely to disappoint him either.
In 1898, Harry Houdini—except in his own mind—has not yet achieved the fame that would later make him known throughout America and abroad. His brother Dash, the story's narrator, though a somewhat accomplished performer himself, serves primarily as Harry's booking agent. Lately he's been unable to secure jobs for Harry and Harry's wife Bess, Houdini's on-stage assistant. Thus, when he reads that Harry Kellar, "the dean of American magicians," is hiring additional crew members for his troupe, Dash suggests that he, Harry and Bess apply. In his vanity, Harry balks at the notion until Dash and Bess persuade him of the wisdom of it.
They are hired, and soon learn that Kellar is determined to debut his Floating Lady levitation when the touring company returns to New York City from Albany. The illusion was conceived years earlier by Kellar's mentor, The Wizard of Kalliffa (a.k.a. Duncan MacGregor). Levitation was common among magicians, but this one was to be spectacular in that the person levitated would float out over the stage and high above the audience. MacGregor's wife, assisting her husband by taking the role of the Floating Lady, fell to her death from a great height when the illusion failed. In tribute to the MacGregors, Kellar wants to perform the illusion on the twenty-fifth anniversary of Mrs. MacGregor's passing. He has only a matter of days to refine it. Working with the Great Man and his stage crew, Harry and Dash devise an effective means of doing so, receiving Kellar's ecstatic gratitude.
The performance has every member of the troupe holding his breath as the beautiful Francesca Moore seemingly levitates high up into the theater's dome, "borne aloft by the hypnotic force of animal magnetism." The audience is enchanted. But then something goes horribly wrong, and Francesca Moore plummets seventy-two feet to her death.
It seems a terrible accident until, during an autopsy, it's learned that Miss Moore's death resulted from drowning, apparently—and impossibly—in mid-air. When one of the stagehands, Jim Collins, is arrested for murder, Harry and Dash are determined to prove his innocence and uncover the real murderer. This they do when Kellar and a rival magician, Servais Le Roy, team up to perform the illusion once again, putting Bess and Harry's lives in peril.
Stashower does an excellent job of bringing the era to life while serving up a well-paced story that's loaded with action, suspense, a great puzzle, and a lot of humor. Dash Hardeen is not a vacuous Watson who marvels at his brother's brilliance. He, in fact, is the brainier of the two. Harry provides the brawn, as well as unchecked egotism that spawns some wonderful comic moments.
Recommended without reservations.
Barry Ergang (c) 2011
**************
Barry Ergang's own impossible crime novelette, "The Play of Light and Shadow," is available for e-readers at Amazon and Smashwords, along with some of his other work, for a mere ninety-nine cents. Formerly the Managing Editor of Futures Mystery Anthology Magazine and First Senior Editor of Mysterical-E, winner of the Short Mystery Fiction Society’s Derringer Award for the best flash fiction story of 2006, his written work has appeared in numerous publications, print and electronic. For links to material available online, and fiction available for e-readers, see Barry’s webpages.
Remember, too, that he has books from his personal collection for sale at http://barryergangbooksforsale.yolasite.com/ He'll contribute 20% of the purchase price of the books to our fund, so please have a look at his lists.
ffb reviews by my dad
FFB Review: "Nights of the Red Moon" by Milton T. Burton
I have reviewed this book and author Milton T. Burton here before as part of Friday’s Forgotten Books hosted by Patti Abbott. I do it today with a heavy heart as while Sandi was in the hospital, I learned that my friend Milton had passed. Never again will I get another call from him over in Tyler, his rich voice booming on the line, asking how I and the family were doing, encouraging me on my writing, and willing to discuss anything and everything. I leave it to others to eulogize Milton and explain what he meant to them and the writing community. I simply don’t have the words to express the loss I feel………
Milton T. Burton's third novel sets the stage for a series with a rock solid foundation, interesting characters, and a complex case. Sheriff Bo Handel has been the strong, and at times compassionate, arm of the law in Caddo County, Texas for nearly thirty years. Forty miles away from the Louisiana border and half that north of Nacogdoches, the county is fairly quiet though there have been strange events over the years. With a drought and heat wave gripping the state and painting the Texas moon blood red, Sheriff Bo Handel knows the Cherokees were right to fear such times as periods of madness and death.
It was some time on an early September morning that Amanda Twiller, wife of the local Methodist preacher, was murdered and then dumped on the front lawn of the parsonage. Shot three times in the back, her body has been left like trash out on the lawn for one and all passing by to see. Including her husband, who found her just after dawn and called it in. While the fact she is dead is not a surprise, the actual manner of her death is a little bit. In the three short years that Reverend Bobby Joe Twiller and Amanda had been in town, she had made quite a name for herself as an adulteress, prescription drug addict, and a few other things before running off with Emmet Zorn, owner of a local liquor store. None of that explains why the FBI in the form of two agents is also present at the local crime scene.
Agents Muldoon and Hotchkiss of the FBI are interested because Emmet Zorn has links to organized crime down in Houston. Their agenda is to get evince against Emmet Zorn and leveraging him to talk about those higher up the food chain. What starts as a simple local murder case quickly puts a personal and professional strain on Sheriff Bo Handel. He doesn't care about the federal government, inter-agency cooperation, or why it all matters in the world. He just wants the actual killer brought to justice. Along the way, if he can, he will help others and try to stem the rising tide of collateral damage in his county where outside forces are turning the county into their personal turf war.
Author Milton T. Burton's latest effort after The Rogues Game and The Sweet and the Dead is a powerful, and at times, dark mystery set in East Texas. Sort of a weird cross between the style of Bill Crider and Joe Landsdale, this is a powerfully good noir style cozy. Borderline graphic at times, full of dark nuance and meaning, the book moves quickly through its 294 pages to a powerful resolution with no easy answers.
Along the way the complex character of Sheriff Bo Handel as well as numerous major and minor secondary characters comes alive for the reader. Plenty of East Texas history is woven into the tale in such a way that by the end of the book, the very county itself fully exists as a character in its own right and is lodged in your mind. Couple all that with plenty of action, mystery, suspense, a hint of romance, and the result is a breakout book for Texan Milton T. Burton. While you do have to wait for a sequel, there is this one and his two others if he is new to you. If he isn't new to you and you have not read it yet, what are you waiting for?
Nights of the Red Moon: A Mystery
Milton T. Burton
http://obscuredestinies.blogspot.com/
A Thomas Dunne Book (Minotaur Books)
http://www.minotaurbooks.com
December 2010
ISBN# 978-0-312-64800-8
Hardback (available on Kindle)
294 Pages
$24.99
Material supplied by the good folks of the Plano, Texas Public Library System.
Kevin R. Tipple © 2011
POSTED BY KEVIN R. TIPPLE AT 8:04 AM 2 COMMENTS
LABELS: CRIME FICTION, CRIME SERIES, MILTON T. BURTON, NIGHTS OF THE RED MOON, TEXAS
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ABOUT ME
KEVIN R. TIPPLE
My stories have appeared in such magazines such as “Lynx Eye,” “Starblade,” “Show and Tell,” and "The Writer's Post Journal" among others and online at such places as "Mouth Full Of Bullets," "Crime And Suspense," "Mysterical-e" and others. Those interested in having their books reviewed, contracting editing services or other needs may contact me at kevinrtipple@verizon.net
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WRITING TIP OF THE DAY
12/17/2011
Recognize an excellent book proposal or query letter will require a lot of hard work.
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CURRENTLY READING
I have reviewed this book and author Milton T. Burton here before as part of Friday’s Forgotten Books hosted by Patti Abbott. I do it today with a heavy heart as while Sandi was in the hospital, I learned that my friend Milton had passed. Never again will I get another call from him over in Tyler, his rich voice booming on the line, asking how I and the family were doing, encouraging me on my writing, and willing to discuss anything and everything. I leave it to others to eulogize Milton and explain what he meant to them and the writing community. I simply don’t have the words to express the loss I feel………
Milton T. Burton's third novel sets the stage for a series with a rock solid foundation, interesting characters, and a complex case. Sheriff Bo Handel has been the strong, and at times compassionate, arm of the law in Caddo County, Texas for nearly thirty years. Forty miles away from the Louisiana border and half that north of Nacogdoches, the county is fairly quiet though there have been strange events over the years. With a drought and heat wave gripping the state and painting the Texas moon blood red, Sheriff Bo Handel knows the Cherokees were right to fear such times as periods of madness and death.
It was some time on an early September morning that Amanda Twiller, wife of the local Methodist preacher, was murdered and then dumped on the front lawn of the parsonage. Shot three times in the back, her body has been left like trash out on the lawn for one and all passing by to see. Including her husband, who found her just after dawn and called it in. While the fact she is dead is not a surprise, the actual manner of her death is a little bit. In the three short years that Reverend Bobby Joe Twiller and Amanda had been in town, she had made quite a name for herself as an adulteress, prescription drug addict, and a few other things before running off with Emmet Zorn, owner of a local liquor store. None of that explains why the FBI in the form of two agents is also present at the local crime scene.
Agents Muldoon and Hotchkiss of the FBI are interested because Emmet Zorn has links to organized crime down in Houston. Their agenda is to get evince against Emmet Zorn and leveraging him to talk about those higher up the food chain. What starts as a simple local murder case quickly puts a personal and professional strain on Sheriff Bo Handel. He doesn't care about the federal government, inter-agency cooperation, or why it all matters in the world. He just wants the actual killer brought to justice. Along the way, if he can, he will help others and try to stem the rising tide of collateral damage in his county where outside forces are turning the county into their personal turf war.
Author Milton T. Burton's latest effort after The Rogues Game and The Sweet and the Dead is a powerful, and at times, dark mystery set in East Texas. Sort of a weird cross between the style of Bill Crider and Joe Landsdale, this is a powerfully good noir style cozy. Borderline graphic at times, full of dark nuance and meaning, the book moves quickly through its 294 pages to a powerful resolution with no easy answers.
Along the way the complex character of Sheriff Bo Handel as well as numerous major and minor secondary characters comes alive for the reader. Plenty of East Texas history is woven into the tale in such a way that by the end of the book, the very county itself fully exists as a character in its own right and is lodged in your mind. Couple all that with plenty of action, mystery, suspense, a hint of romance, and the result is a breakout book for Texan Milton T. Burton. While you do have to wait for a sequel, there is this one and his two others if he is new to you. If he isn't new to you and you have not read it yet, what are you waiting for?
Nights of the Red Moon: A Mystery
Milton T. Burton
http://obscuredestinies.blogspot.com/
A Thomas Dunne Book (Minotaur Books)
http://www.minotaurbooks.com
December 2010
ISBN# 978-0-312-64800-8
Hardback (available on Kindle)
294 Pages
$24.99
Material supplied by the good folks of the Plano, Texas Public Library System.
Kevin R. Tipple © 2011
POSTED BY KEVIN R. TIPPLE AT 8:04 AM 2 COMMENTS
LABELS: CRIME FICTION, CRIME SERIES, MILTON T. BURTON, NIGHTS OF THE RED MOON, TEXAS
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ABOUT ME
KEVIN R. TIPPLE
My stories have appeared in such magazines such as “Lynx Eye,” “Starblade,” “Show and Tell,” and "The Writer's Post Journal" among others and online at such places as "Mouth Full Of Bullets," "Crime And Suspense," "Mysterical-e" and others. Those interested in having their books reviewed, contracting editing services or other needs may contact me at kevinrtipple@verizon.net
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WRITING TIP OF THE DAY
12/17/2011
Recognize an excellent book proposal or query letter will require a lot of hard work.
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my mom and cancer was on kevin tipple blogger
Sandi and her Chemo
Monday was a brutal day in so many ways. We had worried all weekend and were pretty nervous by the time we got to the hospital shortly after dawn. At least it was not snowing or icing here as had been predicted in the prior days. Things started late as they had new information on her cancer situation and the news was not good. Then, she had to wait for her lab results as they had to get her blood processed so they knew where she was at this point. After what seemed like forever they had her sleeping from the initial drugs that would set up her system to accept the cancer killing drugs. That started and everything seemed okay.
About an hour into the cancer killing drug stuff dripping into her she had her first of two different severe reactions to the drugs. Treatment had to be stopped for over an hour each time as they added other medications to stop the increasingly severe reactions. We had been warned chills, blood pressure problems, choking sensations, breathing problems and numerous other issues could happen. It is another thing when it does happen and your wife goes pale and starts crying because she is scared and in pain.
Monday night was a long one as we got home long after the dinner hour and then only slept for about three hours as we were awake from 2:30 on. Neither one of us could sleep. We discovered that middle of the night TV is also mainly repeated news programs and infomercials. That and numerous food commercials. Not the best things to watch when one is trying to relax and go back to sleep.
Shortly after another cold dawn we were back at the hospital Tuesday morning to do the rest of the first round of chemo. That went better as this time she was able to stay awake for it and didn’t have any reaction at all. Apparently this happens sometimes as once they get you past the first half of the first round the second part isn’t nearly as bad. She was sitting up and smiling while the stuff dripped into her. As she sat there she worked on a new hooded scarf that she was making to sell. Patients and their spouses saw what she was working on and asked questions so she talked about her crafts and stuff for sale over at iOffer. Crafts for her serve the same job as books and writing for me do and it was pretty cool to sit there and listen to her talking to folks about what she does. Especially after what had happened Monday and the fact that back in August we were warned that the strokes might have prevented her ever doing that stuff again. The time passed quickly and we were sent home with the anti- nausea drugs and an expectation it could be another long night from that.
When we got home Tuesday we were both so worn out we went to bed. Surfaced briefly for dinner, which certainly was not my best effort ever, and back in bed. Thankfully she passed through the window of time when she had the potential to get violently sick with no issues.
Yesterday we were back at chemo for the injection that follows the multi-hour infusion process. The injection, as we understand it, is to boost her white blood cell count as best they can because the drugs damage and destroy the white blood cells and other immune support things in the body. She was fine yesterday with that and came home where she continued to crochet and watch TV. According to one of the nurses, it is not rare for a patient to have real issues with the first part of treatment in round one and then to be totally fine with the rest of it. Considering how widespread and advanced her two different forms on Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphomas are, it was apparently inevitable that day one will be bad. Personally, I am just glad round one of chemo is over.
At this point, assuming nothing happens to worsen her ongoing breathing issues or anything else, she is supposed to go back to the doctor next Friday for blood work and a checkup to see how she is after this first round. Round two is scheduled for right after Christmas as this will be an every three week process. So, at least she will have two treatments in before January 1, 2012 when we have to meet her new deductible of several thousand dollars. That is going to be ugly and I have no idea what we will do then.
In the meantime, after I got her back home and settled, I went to the store and bought a few things to get us to next week when our food stamps come back in. My plan had been to sit here today and catch up a little bit on things here as well as take things easy. The District Manager for KROGER changed that plan as she has summoned Karl for a meeting regarding his ongoing situation with store #581. As I wrote here awhile back, Karl was wrongfully suspended without pay on October 18, 2011 for a false allegation of “sexual harassment” by a fellow employee who is out of uniform every day and frequently works off the clock among other violations of her own. He has been cleared by not only internal Kroger investigators, local police, the TEXAS WORKFORCE COMMISSION and SOCIAL SECURITY disability investigators and yet he still is not back to work. Weeks later, after doing absolutely nothing to remove the employees involved in the case for lying and other issues, the District Manger has summoned him for a 9am meeting this morning. So much for my plan to take it easy and keep an eye on Sandi. Whether this meeting will really resolve this situation remains to be seen.
So, while he is meeting with her and a couple of other people, I will be working on a long delayed review for TANGENT ONLINE. If you have never read the adventure fantasy magazine BLACK GATE you really should. The magazine is huge and features some incredibly good stories. I had started writing the review the morning that I ended up taking Sandi to ER back on the 18th of November and with everything happening here didn’t make much progress on it. So, I will take things with me and work on it while waiting for Karl to be finished with his meeting. That and calling home frequently to check on the patient who I really don’t want to leave home alone right now.
Hopefully, for her sake, as well as my own health issues with my swollen left leg and pain that is about to make me seriously nuts, the meeting won’t last that long and I can get home and lay down. Sitting is very painful for me and does things like make my leg swell, lose feeling when it does not feel like it is on fire, and other things one does not want. I have been doing way too much of that lately because of everything here. People keep telling me I need to take care of myself but right now that seems impossible. I’m needed in too many places.
Again, on behalf of all of us, thank you one and all for your prayers and thoughts of support both online here and elsewhere, private e-mail, and by regular mail. I am way behind in my replies and thank yous, but please know it is simply because of events here and not because I don’t appreciate what you have done. We appreciate it so much and far beyond what I can express here.
Kevin
Monday was a brutal day in so many ways. We had worried all weekend and were pretty nervous by the time we got to the hospital shortly after dawn. At least it was not snowing or icing here as had been predicted in the prior days. Things started late as they had new information on her cancer situation and the news was not good. Then, she had to wait for her lab results as they had to get her blood processed so they knew where she was at this point. After what seemed like forever they had her sleeping from the initial drugs that would set up her system to accept the cancer killing drugs. That started and everything seemed okay.
About an hour into the cancer killing drug stuff dripping into her she had her first of two different severe reactions to the drugs. Treatment had to be stopped for over an hour each time as they added other medications to stop the increasingly severe reactions. We had been warned chills, blood pressure problems, choking sensations, breathing problems and numerous other issues could happen. It is another thing when it does happen and your wife goes pale and starts crying because she is scared and in pain.
Monday night was a long one as we got home long after the dinner hour and then only slept for about three hours as we were awake from 2:30 on. Neither one of us could sleep. We discovered that middle of the night TV is also mainly repeated news programs and infomercials. That and numerous food commercials. Not the best things to watch when one is trying to relax and go back to sleep.
Shortly after another cold dawn we were back at the hospital Tuesday morning to do the rest of the first round of chemo. That went better as this time she was able to stay awake for it and didn’t have any reaction at all. Apparently this happens sometimes as once they get you past the first half of the first round the second part isn’t nearly as bad. She was sitting up and smiling while the stuff dripped into her. As she sat there she worked on a new hooded scarf that she was making to sell. Patients and their spouses saw what she was working on and asked questions so she talked about her crafts and stuff for sale over at iOffer. Crafts for her serve the same job as books and writing for me do and it was pretty cool to sit there and listen to her talking to folks about what she does. Especially after what had happened Monday and the fact that back in August we were warned that the strokes might have prevented her ever doing that stuff again. The time passed quickly and we were sent home with the anti- nausea drugs and an expectation it could be another long night from that.
When we got home Tuesday we were both so worn out we went to bed. Surfaced briefly for dinner, which certainly was not my best effort ever, and back in bed. Thankfully she passed through the window of time when she had the potential to get violently sick with no issues.
Yesterday we were back at chemo for the injection that follows the multi-hour infusion process. The injection, as we understand it, is to boost her white blood cell count as best they can because the drugs damage and destroy the white blood cells and other immune support things in the body. She was fine yesterday with that and came home where she continued to crochet and watch TV. According to one of the nurses, it is not rare for a patient to have real issues with the first part of treatment in round one and then to be totally fine with the rest of it. Considering how widespread and advanced her two different forms on Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphomas are, it was apparently inevitable that day one will be bad. Personally, I am just glad round one of chemo is over.
At this point, assuming nothing happens to worsen her ongoing breathing issues or anything else, she is supposed to go back to the doctor next Friday for blood work and a checkup to see how she is after this first round. Round two is scheduled for right after Christmas as this will be an every three week process. So, at least she will have two treatments in before January 1, 2012 when we have to meet her new deductible of several thousand dollars. That is going to be ugly and I have no idea what we will do then.
In the meantime, after I got her back home and settled, I went to the store and bought a few things to get us to next week when our food stamps come back in. My plan had been to sit here today and catch up a little bit on things here as well as take things easy. The District Manager for KROGER changed that plan as she has summoned Karl for a meeting regarding his ongoing situation with store #581. As I wrote here awhile back, Karl was wrongfully suspended without pay on October 18, 2011 for a false allegation of “sexual harassment” by a fellow employee who is out of uniform every day and frequently works off the clock among other violations of her own. He has been cleared by not only internal Kroger investigators, local police, the TEXAS WORKFORCE COMMISSION and SOCIAL SECURITY disability investigators and yet he still is not back to work. Weeks later, after doing absolutely nothing to remove the employees involved in the case for lying and other issues, the District Manger has summoned him for a 9am meeting this morning. So much for my plan to take it easy and keep an eye on Sandi. Whether this meeting will really resolve this situation remains to be seen.
So, while he is meeting with her and a couple of other people, I will be working on a long delayed review for TANGENT ONLINE. If you have never read the adventure fantasy magazine BLACK GATE you really should. The magazine is huge and features some incredibly good stories. I had started writing the review the morning that I ended up taking Sandi to ER back on the 18th of November and with everything happening here didn’t make much progress on it. So, I will take things with me and work on it while waiting for Karl to be finished with his meeting. That and calling home frequently to check on the patient who I really don’t want to leave home alone right now.
Hopefully, for her sake, as well as my own health issues with my swollen left leg and pain that is about to make me seriously nuts, the meeting won’t last that long and I can get home and lay down. Sitting is very painful for me and does things like make my leg swell, lose feeling when it does not feel like it is on fire, and other things one does not want. I have been doing way too much of that lately because of everything here. People keep telling me I need to take care of myself but right now that seems impossible. I’m needed in too many places.
Again, on behalf of all of us, thank you one and all for your prayers and thoughts of support both online here and elsewhere, private e-mail, and by regular mail. I am way behind in my replies and thank yous, but please know it is simply because of events here and not because I don’t appreciate what you have done. We appreciate it so much and far beyond what I can express here.
Kevin
daddy yankee
According to the latest news Daddy Yankee is said to have died in a single vehicle accident on Interstate 80 between Morristown and Roswell on December 17, 2011. He was only identified by ID on his body. Drugs and alcohol do not seem to have taken any role in the crash. ChaCha again soon!
joke 5 and 6
A mother and daughter loved to play around. They partied everyday and always ended up fucking everybody around. Their holes were played until they became seasoned and loose. One day, the daughter met the man of her dreams and decided to get married. Now, the man did not know about their flicks and thought the daughter was still a virgin. So he decided to leave any lovemaking until their wedding night. The daughter began to worry about the condition of her hole and consulted her mother, "Mum, I'm worried, what will Peter do if he finds out about my hole?!!" Mother said, "Don't worry dear, I will teach you a way to fool your husband-to-be. Here's what you do, place an apple in your hole and it will be tight and he won't even notice it." So the daughter did what her mother taught her and everything went well and the stupid husband didn't even notice.
This went on for a few months. Now, everytime the daughter wanted to bathe, she would take out the apple and place it on the wash basin and after bathing, she would put it back in her hole. One day, after bathing, she forgot to put it back and left it on the wash basin. The husband came into the washroom and saw the apple and thought that her wife left the apple for him and he ate it, "Honey, thanks for the apple. It tasted great!" Shocked, the daughter dare not tell her husband about it and went to consult her mother, "Mum, I'm in deep shit now! I took out the apple while I was bathing and I forgot to put it back and Peter found the apple I left on the wash basin and ate it! What sould I do? Will he be poisoned? I'm scared, mum." Mother said, "Don't worry dear, a few years ago, your father ate the WATERMELON I left in the washroom and he lived!"
joke There was an Amish girl that had just come of age to date. Her mother was helping her get ready to go out that night. As she was about ready she put on some gloves, because it was to be cold that night,and the Amish still ride in buggies. Her mother asked, "why are you wearing gloves?" She continued by saying that it wasn't lady like to wear gloves. The Girl said to her mother, "its suppose to be cold tonight, what do I do with my hands if they get cold?" Her mother replied. "just stick your hands between your knees, and they will get warm." So the girl agreed. Her date picked her up and they went on there was. On their way home her hands got cold, so following her mother's orders, she stuck her hands between her knees. Her date looked over and said, "what on earth do you have your hands between your legs for?" She replied, " my mother told me that if my hands got cold, to stick them between my legs to get them warm." Her date said to her, " well my dick is frozen solid do you care if I stick it between your legs to get it warm?" The girl said, "well I don't see any harm in it." So he did. After returning home from her date she asked her mother," What do you know about them there dicks?" Her mother said, "Why what do you know about dicks?" The girl looked at her mother and said, "All I know is that when they thaw out they make an awful mess!"
This went on for a few months. Now, everytime the daughter wanted to bathe, she would take out the apple and place it on the wash basin and after bathing, she would put it back in her hole. One day, after bathing, she forgot to put it back and left it on the wash basin. The husband came into the washroom and saw the apple and thought that her wife left the apple for him and he ate it, "Honey, thanks for the apple. It tasted great!" Shocked, the daughter dare not tell her husband about it and went to consult her mother, "Mum, I'm in deep shit now! I took out the apple while I was bathing and I forgot to put it back and Peter found the apple I left on the wash basin and ate it! What sould I do? Will he be poisoned? I'm scared, mum." Mother said, "Don't worry dear, a few years ago, your father ate the WATERMELON I left in the washroom and he lived!"
joke There was an Amish girl that had just come of age to date. Her mother was helping her get ready to go out that night. As she was about ready she put on some gloves, because it was to be cold that night,and the Amish still ride in buggies. Her mother asked, "why are you wearing gloves?" She continued by saying that it wasn't lady like to wear gloves. The Girl said to her mother, "its suppose to be cold tonight, what do I do with my hands if they get cold?" Her mother replied. "just stick your hands between your knees, and they will get warm." So the girl agreed. Her date picked her up and they went on there was. On their way home her hands got cold, so following her mother's orders, she stuck her hands between her knees. Her date looked over and said, "what on earth do you have your hands between your legs for?" She replied, " my mother told me that if my hands got cold, to stick them between my legs to get them warm." Her date said to her, " well my dick is frozen solid do you care if I stick it between your legs to get it warm?" The girl said, "well I don't see any harm in it." So he did. After returning home from her date she asked her mother," What do you know about them there dicks?" Her mother said, "Why what do you know about dicks?" The girl looked at her mother and said, "All I know is that when they thaw out they make an awful mess!"
joke 3 and 4
A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."
The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"
A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"
Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing.
joke 4Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully
deep.
After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.
The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.
As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"
"Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."
The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"
A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"
Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing.
joke 4Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully
deep.
After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.
The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.
As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"
"Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."
jokes one and two
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!
The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish.
The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. Think of another wish."
The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?
joke two There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", to which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy in disbelief says, "Ok, what time is it?" The Indian looks down at his "3:35..." "That's amazing, your right!" the cowboy says in amazement. So he hops onto his horse and keeps going.
Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his "one eyed bandit" and says "4:40". The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.
After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his "bald headed champ" except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, "And what are you doing?" to which the Indian replies, "Me winding clock."
The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish.
The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. Think of another wish."
The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?
joke two There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", to which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy in disbelief says, "Ok, what time is it?" The Indian looks down at his "3:35..." "That's amazing, your right!" the cowboy says in amazement. So he hops onto his horse and keeps going.
Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his "one eyed bandit" and says "4:40". The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.
After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his "bald headed champ" except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, "And what are you doing?" to which the Indian replies, "Me winding clock."
word
Word:Egregious (adj). Obviously bad. The newspaper made an egregious typo. They misspelled a word in the headline!
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