lol Tuesday

need a lol here you go

really lol

Thursday lol

lol

THIS TIME Billy Bob and his brother Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again." Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Marie with me."

lol

lol Tuesday

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what politics is." Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?" Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it." That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father. Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is." Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?" Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of $hit."

csi

joke Friday 13

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider. She does and they continue. A few minutes go by and he tells her again, Open your legs a little wider. She does, then he says again, A little wider, hon. The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it. This continues until he asks again, Can you open them just a little wider? So she finally yells, What are you trying to do; get your balls in too? He says No, Im trying to get them out.

joke today4/12/2012

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The guy in back, Paul, says, Oh yeah, Oh yeah! Then the first guy turns around and says,  Hey Paul, shut up! Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah! Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent. The guy in front says, Hey Paul, wheres all your excitement now? Paul says, All over your back!

A Guy Poems

SEX POEM: *Roses r red, lemons r sour, open ur legs & give me an hour. *Kissing is a habit, fucking is a game- guys get all the pleasure & girls get all the pain. 10 mins of pleasure, 9 months of pain, 3 days in the hospital- a baby with no name. The baby is a bastard, the mother is a whore, this never wouldve happened if the rubber hadnt tore! *Sex is like math: u subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs & pray 2 god u dont multiply.*Roses r red, grass is green, open ur legs & ill fill u with cream. *Sex is evil, sex is a sin, sins r forgiven so stick it in. *Roses r nice, violets r fine, ill be the 6 if u b the 9. *Eat me, beat me, bite me, blow me, fuck me, suck me very slowly, if u like it dont be sassy, use ur tounge & make it NASTY!! If I GET 300 VOTES I'LL PUT MORE!!

Sounds of the Wild

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

Mother: "What does the cow say?"

Child: "Moo!"

Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"

Child: "Meow."

Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

lol two

GENIUS As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius? It's the second time this week he's forgotten his fucking key!"

lol

Bell sex,...? Have you tried? A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just can’t wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system that they have down at the station. "Honey!" he says, "you’re not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and it’s so great." "When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear." "When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck." "When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck." He excitedly tells his wife. Triumphantly he says, "We’re going to do the same thing for our sex life!" "When Bell #1 goes off we are going to strip naked." "When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed". "When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains out. Let’s give a test run. OK, ready?" "Bell #1!" (they strip naked) "Bell #2!" (they hop into bed) "Bell #3!" (they start screwing there brains out) A couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming "Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!". The husband confused says,"Bell #4, What’s that?" The wife screams "More hose! More hose! Your not reaching the fire!"

joke

The Black Sheep A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe’s chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look here! You’re the only white man we’ve ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!” The professor replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.” The chief was silent for a moment, then said, “Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”

joke two

Damn Girl -

A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend."

"I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience."

"Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got really sore."

lol joke

RELOAD A young man finally got a date with the blonde who lived across the road. To prepare for his big date, the young man went out into the garden to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade." But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a DVD. During the film, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his dick immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

joke

While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground
controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you
going! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.
I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between 'C' and 'D', but get it right!" Continuing
her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

joke

A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich. The Madam says, For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf. The trucker says, I'm not horny, I'm homesick.

really

I see now hmmm

lol dirty food